I do not get why I do this to myself every single month! I am sure many feel just like me. You have been trying for so long so every month you end up having faith that this time it worked for sure!  I was so positive and not even sure why but I just felt like this time it was it. I of course went out to the store and spent money buying pregnancy tests that I for some reason thought would show me two lines instead of one. I am sure you can guess that I got a BFN again! Month 57 here we come to try again.
I wish we had a diagnosis . I spend a lot of days pondering why the medical world says there is no reason why we can not get pregnant , yet we cant. I mean if all our labs our normal, my tube test was normal , then what is going on! The doctor did mention she things my uterine lining may not be able to support a pregnancy and that is where the rather unpleasant moments I get during my Mother Nature time come from.  Once we manage to get the money saved up  and if IVF is successful I will be getting an IV every month to keep my lining strong and keep future baby fugate in.
I did manage to drop another 3 pounds since our appointment at Bourn Hall. I am sticking to my walking and lower calories routine . I am not telling myself that I can not have something. Example I had chocolate crravings this weekend .. Hello those should have been my sign but nope still bought that darn pregnancy test anyway! I ended up buying me one of them small boxes of chocolates with only 4 pieces in it but it curbed my craving for chocolate .
I hope all is well and that someone got good news this past week. The past two weeks have been a bit stressful on my family but we are dealing with it.  Hope everyone has a great Monday!

Silvia

The past few days have gone better then most. I did not end up feeling like I was a failure for not being able to conceive. I know that IVF can be a touchy subject for some but if you have any questions in regards to the procedure or any tests I have had done I will gladly answer them from my experience.

Bryan just had the last of the blood tests done required for us to move forward with Bourn Hall Fertility Clinic. We are just trying to raise the rest of the money needed for the  medication and we can get started. I have been chatting with several wonderful ladies and realized that not everyone gets put on the same medication for IVF treatment. I am on a Progesteron Gel  and two different injections plus the final trigger shot. I hate needles so I am not sure how I will handle the shots but I have heard that it does not take very long to do and the needle is tiny as its in a injection pen. I do 12 doses of the first medication, 4 doses of the second and then the trigger shot. I will also be giving an IV that is suppose to aid with keeping the lining strong and if the treatment works I have to return for one every few weeks during the entire pregnancy. The IV will cost us a little over $400 per treatment.  We spent $550 so far for one appointment. The procedure will cost $4700 plus blastocyst fee if we have enough eggs, this fee at our clinic is about $1300. The first medications will cost us $2000 and then $1500 during the cycle for the IV. I really wish my family had time to save instead of having to try to raise the funds in other ways.
I am 39 and it took them almost 7 years to finally say you need to go with IVF and to find a doctor who  will work with us. I am thrilled but saddened that I only have a few months to come up with the money. If we had 12 months to save this would so not be a problem for us. I am a penny pincher and can give up a lot of things in this world for the best goal there is, to be a parent. I have been judged by many for raising the money using a crowd funder website. I know some thing well how can you afford a child if you need to raise this money? I do not have $9500 just sitting around right now and if our insurance just covered the medication there would be no need for us to try and come up with the money.

 I encourage everyone to get in touch with their senator's and get busy writing. There is a law  sitting around to give tax credit for IVF costs and some states are now adding the right to have a family act to their health insurance coverage. This act is amazing as it allows a family a cycle of IVF for free! I mean how wonderful is that to not put a family in financial straights and instead let the health insurance cover it. My husband and I are currently stationed in the United Kingdom and they offer IVF here to UK citizen's or those under NHS for free! I am not sure why this is not part of our health insurance . I mean there are rules of course like you can not have any children and such but it is still a wonderful thing.I do apologize for rambling on today but I just wanted to share some of these thoughts. I would love to hear your opinion's about offering the treatment through health insurance or at least covering the medication costs with a copayment. Please do not leave a rude comment and just your opinion. I know that it can be very hard to understand how a person feels that has been trying to have a child for years but has been unable to do so. We are an emotional bunch and try to hide it well but speaking from the heart one little thing someone says can send me into tears for no reason at all! I just start to think about what I want and how it is just not happening naturally due to medical issues but the past few days those thoughts have turned to joy at knowing that it is very possible that in 14 months or so I could be a mom! (depending on when we start the treatment)
Have a blessed week all! I need to stop rambling and get ready for my Volunteer job :-)

Hello Friday!
It has been an insane emotional week for me! I got a positive ovulation test. I  got home tested, did it again 10 hours later and it was negative. I  pray that this miracle will fiinally happen after 56 months of  trying to conceive. I wrote an article and got it published about the impact of infertility on couples.
You can find it here .
I would also like to remind everyone of the giveaway going on for a chance to win 1 of 2 $10 Amazon Gift cards . You can find that at this link, Giveaway 

Lastly please continue to share our link to our fundraiser to help make this baby miracle happen!
Fundraiser Link 

I had a bad day yesterday. I had a  confrontation with someone and thought my world was going to come crashing down around me. It was like everything hit me once. We had a loss in the family, found out we did not succeed at our cycle of getting pregnant.I felt like I was being accused of something I did not do and I suppose I do not handle these situations well. It brings back way to much pain from what I went through when I was growing up. I went home, I prayed and I cried. I prayed that I would find inner peace to deal with anything thrown my way and thrown another persons way. I just wanted to share that remember you never know what a person is going through so if you have a concern with someone address it politely and move on :)
Treat each other with kindness because it goes a long way and always remember to say a prayer or send positive thoughts out to all those who need.
Have a great weekend!
Silvia

Hi,
Its me again!
I just wanted to share that the Giveaway is now up and running.
You can enter it at Awesome Giveway

Thank you for your continued Love and Support <3

The Appointment

We had our very first appointment at Bourn Hall today.

I will give you the step by step of our consultation to help out anyone planning on seeking help at a fertility clinic like this one.

We arrived  at 930 AM. The lady at reception got us all checked in and then walked us over to the wards. We were then greeted by a nurse. She did our height, weight,  identification check and took our picture.
Once we were finished with that my husband had to go give a sample so I got to wait in a very nice waiting area. It was quite calm there.  We went to the main waiting area after my husband was done, which was not nearly as private or calm.
Our Dr was right on time and she is wonderful. Her name is Dr. Valentino. She started out the appointment with getting lots of medical background information on both of us. She asked many important questions that nobody had ever bothered asking us before.She went through all of my tests and explained each one to me and what it meant. I had over 20 pages of lab results from the past 12 months, two ultrasound scounds , and the tube dye test  so this took some time. She was very patient with us and explained everything in full detail!
Our appointment lasted over 1 hour. She told us that what will happen is on CD 1 I will call the clinic to schedule my scan and be able to come in and see the nurses to get information on how to use all the medication.  The great news is we can start a month before we had planned because full payment is not due until the day of the first scan. This wonderful Dr also said she knows money is an issue so she told us to check out other pharmacies and we might be able to save up to $1000 or 600 GBP.

The first appointment cost us $515. (a little over 300 GBP).


I will be hosting a giveaway on the blog starting this week. Prizes will be  an amazon gift card and  some wax items. The requirements for entries will be a share of our gofundme page, a follow on bloglovin, and a like of our facebook page.

Have a wonderful Tuesday!

I hope everyone has a great weekend. I am super nervous and anxious about our appointment on Monday. I am wondering what this doctor will tell us. Our  possible future of being parents is going to be told at this appointment.
I had not mentioned before how Bryan and I met. It was actually online in 2001 through yahoo ads. I know these days this is quite common but sure was not back then!  We went on a blind date and that was that. He took me to a Korean restaurant and tried to impress me his ability to say all the dishes right lol!
I still remember it like it was yesterday even though it was 13 years ago!
I suppose you just never know where you will meet the person you are meant to spend your life with. I know I was not looking for anyone and enjoying being single at the time.
Have a blessed weekend and I will post again on Monday after our appointment.
Thank you for all the shares and donations so far and we pray we will reach our goal to have the procedure done.

Please donate or share our go fund me page. Shares are greatly appreciated!

Here is the Link for you
http://www.gofundme.com/7a58xk

Silvia

This is Bourn Hall Clinic located just south of Cambridge. It is a gorgeous setting and I will say we are impressed with the staff. Bryan and I visited yesterday to drop off our registration papers. It was a little bit past lunch time and the receptionist asked us if we  had eaten lunch and we told her we had no time as I had to pick up lab results to drop off. She then went to the kitchen got us sandwiches and made us coffee.
I believe we sat there about 5 minutes before a patient representative came over and  gave us some basic information and asked a few questions with regards to our lab results.
We also had the AMH results back which I was confused on as some places say the result is normal and some say it is low. If you are having any doubts about your ability to conceive I highly recommend you ask your doctor to do this simply blood test. It can be done at any time. There is no need to wait for a certain date to have the blood drawn. I wish we had  fought harder for our cause years ago as now it may be to late but I hope to help others in their journey. Fight as hard as you can for someone to take you seriously, do not let them give you whatever reason they come up with when nothing is medically found.
I personally have fibroids and a tumour on one of my ovaries which is causing issues as well as a thyroid disorder.  It took years to find this out. I only found out because of an ER visit. I went to see the doctor because I was in screaming pain and they finally diagnosed me.
I am not saying all medical care is bad because it is not but just remember if you believe something is wrong then investigate it!
Our first appointment is on Monday the 17th of March .I will be updating with what happens during the first appointment shortly after we get home.

Please be so kind as to share our fundraising  page as  we raise the last of the money for our IVF cycle.  Simply click on fundraising and it will take you there.
My blog is updated at least once a week and sometimes more depending on what I feel like writing about at the time.

I just wanted to share this real fast because it made me laugh!

This is our dog Molly stealing all the pillows on the couch!

My second funny was this.  I decided to try fertilaid because I have heard so much about it. I ordered it, one other vitamin and some ovulation strips. I checked the tracking and it said it arrived at our post office on base. I waited patiently for 2 days to get my package and finally decided to go check up on it yesterday.
It must have been a sign that I wrote about crazy things we try to get pregnant because I got told I am so sorry we have no idea where your package is but it says its here some here!
Have a Great Weekend!

I spent my morning thinking about all the crazy things I have tried in order to make any given month a success. I have browsed forums like crazy looking for that magical answer! Each and every time I read about some new method that supposedly works I tried it.
Have you found yourself taking Mucinex for a few days because its suppose to make the CM better? Sticking your legs up in the air for an hour just because gravity might make a difference? or how about taking all kinds of odd medications just because they promise to make you fertile? I have spent tons of money on lots of things just to get that BFN (negative pregnancy test) at the end of the long and dreaded two week wait.  I just wanted to share a couple of fertility  facts with you today.

Fact: Many women are placed on birth control pills (BCPs) because of medical conditions such as irregular periods, heavy periods, orendometriosis, all of which are associated with reduced fertility. For these women, the pill may actually preserve fertility. For women who use BCPs for contraception, the hormones are very quickly eliminated from the body and do not cause infertility.

Fact: There is no doubt that infertility causes stress, but the stress of an overcommitted lifestyle and poor health habits can adversely affect fertility as demonstrated in a number of medical studies.

Finally here are some common myths

Ovulation occurs on the day of the drop or the day of the rise in BBT.

This is one of the most common myths perpetuated by the medical community. In reality, the exact day of ovulation cannot be determined by the basal body temperature. Only about 10% of women even have a drop in basal temperature. And once the temperature has risen, it is virtually certain that the egg is already gone (assuming conception hadn’t occurred beforehand.) This is because an egg only lives 12-24 hours, and by the time the temperature has risen, the egg is no longer viable. Therefore, if a couple wants to achieve a pregnancy, the sign to focus on is not the basal temperature, but the cervical fluid.

A woman can get pregnant only one day per cycle.

While it is true that a human egg is only viable for 12 to 24 hours, a woman can actually get pregnant from an act of intercourse occurring anytime from about five days prior to ovulation to even occasionally two days after, for a total of about seven days.

The reason for this is that the sperm can survive up to five days inside the woman's reproductive tract, and a woman can release two or more eggs within a 24 hour period.. Hence, for all intents and purposes, a women can get pregnant for about one week per cycle.

Ovulation usually occurs on Day 14 of the cycle.

Probably the most widely held fertility myth is the notion that women always ovulate on Day 14 of their cycle. If this were indeed true, there would be virtually no need for birth control, since couples could simply avoid that one day. And scores of couples desiring a child would simply have intercourse on Day 14, and Bingo, get pregnant.

There are several serious consequences to the Day 14 fallacy:

    * Many unplanned pregnancies occur because couples think they are safe for unprotected intercourse on any day but Day 14.
    * Many couples who desire to get pregnant actually impede pregnancy by timing intercourse on Day 14, when, in reality, the woman may ovulate either much earlier or later than that one particular day.
    * Many diagnostic tests and therapies are performed at an inappropriate time in the woman’s cycle. These include infertility procedures such as post-coital tests and endometrial biopsies, as well as general health procedures such as mammograms and diaphragm fittings.
    * If a woman does get pregnant, the doctor’s office will usually utilize a "pregnancy wheel" to determine her due date. But this device assumes that women ovulate on Day 14, and therefore could be off by several weeks, leading physicians to perform diagnostic tests at inappropriate times (e.g. amniocentesis) or even induce labor before the baby is fully developed.

I am pretty sure this month was not successful and officially marks month 55 of TTC.  I was chatting with some friends last night and realized that people start to distance themselves once they all have children. It is almost like nobody wants to talk about infertility and they would prefer to just ignore it. I find it sad that at a time when a person struggling with infertility can most use someone to talk to is when those someone's have usually distanced themselves that it no longer feels right just calling them to tell them how you feel.
Please feel free to share anything you wish with me at anytime because I do understand.

Lucky Baby dust to all!
Silvia

I woke up this morning in tears. I had this sense of defeat like I am failing at being a woman. I am filled with such hope every month thinking that this will be the month for sure! I started feeling light cramping last night so I know that AF must be on her way.
I also realized that there is nobody I can reach out to here that understands this emotional journey. It is a topic so avoided! People just assume that we have chosen not to have any children but the truth is that we did not choose this. We want a child more then anything and our  hearts feel like there is  something missing.Our home is not filled with the laughter of a child.
We are both looking forward to our first official appointment at the Fertility Clinic but Nervous at the same time. I know that my weight will become a huge factor! I have struggled with it for a long time due to my thyroid disorder. I am at a loss of 35 pounds but it took me 15 months. I have 4 months before I am 40 and my odds of conceiving via IVF drop even further! I wanted to drop the last 20 pounds but I am realistic with a slowed metablism this is not going to happen.
I have  just had another set of labs drawn and we are awaiting the results of these. I am thankful that modern medicine can allow us a chance of having a child but saddened at the cost of it.
We have started a gofundme account which you can visit at this lnk.
HOPE

Please know that even a $1 donation will help us toward our ultimate goal of having a child. Our insurance covers none of the costs involved with  IVF. Our first appointment plus tests is going to cost us around $700.
We saved up to cover this but they actual cycles of IVF will be costly so we are hoping to find some people to help us cover the cost of medication.

I pray that I can help someone understand the process  of this journey including all the emotions involved. It is very hard to deal with each and every month

I have lost 7 pounds which is still not enough for the clinic we have chosen.

Bryan and I are currently eagerly awaiting the test results of my AMH. This is a test to help determine if you still have ovarian reserve.

We had our first session at Bourn Hall and I was quite put out by being told my BMI was to high . I understand that there are risks involved  if you are larger. I am confused by the BMI standards not being regulated worldwide. I looked it up and most clinics in the United States have a BMI limit of 35 for IVF and 38 for IUI.  The clinic here prefers  you to be at BMI 28-30 for IVF and the same for IUI. I know that this inceases your chance of success. I am battling a slowed down metabolism due to thyroid disorder and age.

I decided this week to try putting myself on a 1000 calorie diet until my appointment on 17 March.

This gives me 2 weeks to hopefully drop another 5 pounds.

I go to the gym every other day for 1-2 hours. I usually burn around 750 calories there.

I have had a lot of emotions to deal with this week and did well on food though. I realized that I wll be the only one in my circle of friends without a child by July. I will tell you that this Journey is a roller coaster of emotions. You figure well it is not going to happen but yet you still buy ovulation kits, pregnancy tests and whatever new fad is out there that can supposedly help you get pregnant. I sit there during the dreaded two week wait and analyze it all. I think ooh this might be a pregnancy feeling just to get smashed back down again when that dreaded AF shows her ugly face. (Aunt Flo) 

Have a lovely Sunday and I hope that none of you have to ever be on this horrid cycle of emotions.

Silvia